Sunday, January 12, 2014

An Hour Turned Into a Month...

WOW! So much time has passed since our last blog post, and yet it doesn’t actually seem that way. I guess the past month or so has been a blur for us. We have definitely had some major ups and downs but it has brought us to today and for that I’m thankful. So, I guess its best to start where we left off….

We had Steele’s doctor appointment in Dallas on December 16th. It was an afternoon appointment, which gave us time to hang around in Dallas for the morning. We decided to spend our day in the Galleria. I remember just feeling anxious all day. Beau and I weren’t ourselves that day, but we found plenty to look at in that mall to pass the time. Appointment time came, and it was overwhelming just to walk in the front door. I can remember looking at all of the families and children there and wondering if they all felt the way I did.  I had been reading a devotional around that time that said “worry is the facade of taking action when prayer really is” so I began to pray. I was in and out of prayer all day that day. We were eventually led into a room where Steele was measured, weighed, tested, evaluated, etc. We must have met at least 10 different people that day, all to be a part of our “team” in Dallas. I have to say this about each person we met…they were so kind and genuine. I am so thankful that God placed each of them in our path. I know that we have a great team that is going to care for our sweet boy. Although we didn’t learn any new information that day, I will say that it has been my most difficult day in this journey so far. Steele was tired by the end of the appointment so Beau’s mom took him into the lobby while Beau and I finished up meeting with and talking to new people. By the time we left, Steele had fallen asleep. I felt numb as I exited the office. We decided to hit the restrooms before we left so I went first, and then took Steele, still asleep, from Beth Anne. It was at that very moment that I literally felt my heart physically break. I had never had that feeling before, I was wishing I was still numb. I fell to pieces. I am so glad Steele was asleep because I don’t want him to ever have to see me like that. I am usually a very shy, reserved person and would have loved to wait until I got to the car to bawl my eyes out. That didn’t matter that day. I cried and cried as we walked out. To this day I don’t have an understanding as to why it hurt so bad that day. As I said before, they didn’t give us any new information as far as the diagnosis goes. We were encouraged to start the process of getting Steele a wheelchair.  It all just hurt. The next part I am going to tell you is my most favorite moment with Steele to date, and a moment I will never forget. It is how I know that God is always with us. We stopped at a fast food restaurant on the way home. Steele had a dirty diaper so I took him into the restroom. They didn’t have a changing table in there so I improvised. I sat on the floor, laid Steele on my lap and changed him. When I was done lifted him up, pulled my knees up and sat him on them so we were looking in each others eyes. I swallowed hard and told him “I love you so much” and he put his arms out as wide as he could and hugged me around the neck so tight that when I close my eyes I can still feel it. I needed that!!  God knew I needed that.
 We drove home that night and got in very late. I had to be to work in Shreveport early the next day. I was doing my best that day just to keep it together, but work was a welcome distraction. That afternoon I was driving to a client’s house when I was hit by a driver in a very large work truck. I remember the sound it made when we hit, and I knew when I heard it that it was bad. The rest of what happened is kind of jumbled in my mind. I know I called Beau, and then my mom. I remember saying to Beau “Why me? Why now?”.  I wish I could take those words back. I should have been screaming out “THANK YOU!”. My car was totaled, but I was able to walk away from that accident! Praise God! I believe that accident was a “blessing in disguise”. It has jump started our search for a new van, which we will need for the wheelchair. Also, I have great insurance and the other driver was insured! Again, another opportunity to give THANKS!

And what a time to be thankful for, it was almost Christmas!! Christmas this year was absolutely amazing! It was bitter sweet because we were unable to spend it with my family in Arizona, but Beau and I had a nice chunk of time off work and we literally soaked up every moment. We limited our access to cell phones, computers, iPads, etc. and just were together. We didn’t even really take pictures together this Christmas because we just wanted to be in the moment, as a family. I am thankful that family members captured a few of those moments for us. Here is one of Steele with his cousins....

New Year’s meant more time together as a family and more memories made. We went up to the camp and Steele got to ride around on a Bad Boy with his dad and grandpa Bull Dawg. He was asking to “go, go, go” all day. That night we watched fireworks that the other members of the camp set off in the distance. After Steele got used to them, I think he actually enjoyed them. That night he fell asleep by the campfire in his daddy’s arms…another moment I will never forget. 


 Since then, we are all back to our normal routine; work, doctors appointments, therapy, etc. We did as the doctors and physical therapists advised and got Steele some braces for his legs and started the process to get him a wheelchair. He is still adjusting to the braces. They add extra weight to his legs which makes crawling and moving a bit more difficult, but he just keeps on truckin’. I admire his fight. I try to put myself in his shoes with all of the appointments, and the braces, and the testing and I feel like I would just be done. But not Steele, he endures it all with a smile (most of the time). I am so proud to be his mom. I am so thankful God chose us to be his parents.  In his 17 short months on this earth, he has taught me more than I ever knew in my 27 years of life. He is such a blessing. We have a big road ahead of us. It will be filled with twists and turns, ups and downs, but I am ready. We are going to do this as a family. God is our strength, and our refuge.

Thank you all so much for your continued prayer. We have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of support and love!!

God Bless,
Steele’s Mommy


  1. Thank you sweet Lindsay for helping me to start my morning in strong prayer. We love you guys very much. You are perfect Steele

  2. This is a beautiful post. I love you and miss you all. Thoughts and prayers and happiness are all being sent your way from AZ :)